Percy's Review: I rather liked Fred, even though he is from the wrong part of the pet store. He behaved in a feline type of way, not cowing down to the snooty humans. He knew who pays for his dog chow. These silly actors always assume that they can break the sit stay their off stage owners have in tact. Silly humans.
I’m not sure what was better, Fred not appeasing the actress or manipulating her into doing her own tricks. Stupid humans. In this review I must ask, what is up with the black and white? They had Technicolor for pete’s sake. You can’t really tell what hair color he had or the texture. It was apparent he was quite lacking in accessories too.
A plain leather collar? Come on! Spend a little bling and get a dashing gem encrusted collar with a bell. That would be smashing. If you are going to do total disregard, do it in a blinged out collar, it gets the point across soooo much better.
Well, I am suppose to rate this clip. So here is my quite expert opinion: I deduct 1 wag for this being old and black and white, and because I can. I also deduct another wag for complete lack of accessorizing. I give 5 wags for disobeying the stupid human and getting that on film, television and YouTube. How many wags does that make? I have never had an interest in counting AND it is time for my sunbath. You figure it out.
Percy Penelypuss
Feline at large
Ozwald's Review: Percy, you misinformed feline! With your apparent lack of education, as evidenced by your deplorable mathematic skills, it comes as no surprise to this Collie, the unmitigated inaccuracy of your review. Your claims to be an expert are exceedingly exaggerated. Rank amateur is a more fitting description. I will refute each of your points using logic. Being a cat, I know that term is out of the realm of your comprehension, Percy. Please refer to Webster's (that would be a dictionary) for the definition.
Your demands for the use of Techicolor reveals your evident lack of comprehension of classic Television. An obvious indicator of which is black and white. This mere fact alone calls into question the validity of your entire review. I automatically award 5 tail wags for the classic nature of the clip’s cinematography.
Having lived with Cairn Terriers, I can emphasize with their tendency towards independence. Fred would be a disgrace to Terrierdom, to be caught on film no less, happily obeying every command issued. However, as a Collie, I must uphold the image of Lassie and can not in good conscience condone such noncompliant behavior. Therefore, I will be forced to deduct 2 tail wags. My apologies ole chap.
Finally, expecting a Cairn Terrier to accessorize demonstrates an absolute and utterly deficient grasp on reality. A Cairn Terrier is not your Grandmother’s Phu Phu Dog. They DO NOT under any circumstances accessorize. Reasserting their Terrier-ness, by rolling in the filthiest, malodorous, contemptible things imaginable, whenever the occasion arises, is critical to the reputation of Terriers everywhere. Granted it causes a Collie to shudder merely to contemplate such actions.
However, while I may not agree with “why” Fred refuses to accessorize, as a proud and regal Collie, I do whole heartedly agree with the result. Unequivocally, it would not be appropriate for a Collie to be subjected to such humiliation, as say having an Easter bonnet deposited on our head or pearls draped around our necks. Suitable for Timmy’s Mom, Yes... Lassie, No… As such, I will re-award the 2 tail wags deducted for disobedient behavior.
By my calculations, Fred receives 5 tail wags. Congratulations Fred on a job well done.
